Tag Archives: writing

How To Win At Dating In Your Twenties

Dating in your 20’s can be downright tough these days. A lot of times it’s all about “hooking up” or becoming “friends with benefits”, both which replace the notion of dating as a prelude to a long- term relationship or even saying “I do”. On paper, avoiding commitment seems like a good idea – remaining friends can protect you from the things that tear most couples apart – jealousy, cheating, heartbreak…but what happens when your ”hookup” becomes the one person you can’t live without? Set in the damp and drizzly neighborhoods of Portland, Oregon author Rebecca Kelley’s fun and quirky literary debut, Broken Homes and Gardens [Blake Slate Press] reveals what happens when you toe that fine line between friends and “more”.

Broken Homes & Gardens Book Cover

Not exactly on-again, off-again, Malcolm and Joanna are in-again, out-again: in love, out of each other’s arms, in an awkward co-living arrangement, out of the country. Their unconventional relationship is the only way, Joanna says, to protect herself from the specter of commitment, which inevitably leads to heartbreak. A When Harry Met Sally meets Portlandia for the Millennial generation, Broken Homes and Gardens is an ode to friendship, lust, and the unrelenting pull of love. It will appeal to readers who love romance, quirky humor, and stories that offer a deeper and sometimes darker look into the risks we take for love.

“Throughout literary history, romantic involvements for young women have been treated as a problem with an easy answer: find the right man, marry him,” says Rebecca,  “but I believe the period of early adulthood is not focused only on long-term coupling and knot tying. Many women I know – myself included – were involved in one or two long-term relationships in their 20’s. The struggles of dealing with their ending, and the aftermath, had an enormous impact on our development as women, and an even greater impact on future relationships.”

A contemporary tale full of wry humor, convincing dialogue, and emotional twists and tangles, Broken Homes and Gardens touches upon the following themes:

•     The often messy, complicated, confusing and passionate twenty-something love, both in literature and life
•     A unique look at the melting pot that is Portland, OR, known as the place where “young people go to retire”
•     The “Hookup” Culture: the troubles with 21st century dating and love
•     An honest look at “friends with benefits” – does it ever really work?
•     Broken homes – literally and figuratively

Oregon author Rebecca Kelley“My heroine in Broken Homes and Gardens undergoes some relationships in her late teens and early twenties that shake her belief in love so firmly that she decides marriage is not the answer to any of her problems,” adds Rebecca. “Joanna’s approach to her relationship with Malcolm isn’t optimistic but it’s rational. It’s understandable. And I think her story speaks to many of us.”

For the Silo, Erin MacDonald-Birnbaum.

You’re Writing A Book So Tell Your Tale, And Tell It Well

Know What They ExpectYou have probably always wanted to write a book. You have probably tried to start writing it several times and gave up. Or maybe you did write it, but it didn’t quite turn out the way you wanted it to. You have most likely been scared and frustrated by the writing process, as well as exhilarated and thrilled. And you probably wondered how you could tell exactly what you wanted to tell, and tell it well.
I’m not going to give you an answer to your burning questions. I’m still searching for it myself. But I will maybe alleviate your pain in sharing with you my own search on the way to telling my stories in the best way I can. After four years of writing full-time, I have turned a corner and am no longer scared. No, this is a lie. I am scared, but being scared no longer stops me. And the answer is simple: study the craft of writing. How? By doing it and by learning how others did it before you.

When I started out, I charged ahead like mad, high on the possibility of writing my very first book and actually doing it. I disregarded rules and channeled my inner self on the page, believing it was true art (not that I understood what that meant). I was fine for a while. But on my fourth book I got lost and quickly finished it because I didn’t know how to make it better. And on my fifth book I got stuck and had to scrap everything and reengineer my entire writing process. Why? Because I ignored the rules. I thought writing was an expression of something intangible and divine that couldn’t be touched lest it be wrecked by such rudimentary and boring things as plotting, theme development, grammar, character arcs, etc. And I was wrong, and maybe because you read these lines you will trust that what I’m sharing with you is true and will spare yourself the pain I went through (or maybe you won’t, but you will remember these lines when you hit rock bottom).

Know what they expect ;)
Know what they expect 😉
Writing isn’t some nebulous ethereal substance to be caught from the air and randomly spun into a story. Writing is both an art and a craft, and the two can’t be separated from each other. If you’re a painter, you must know the types of paints and brushes you use. What would happen if you didn’t? Same with writing. The boring grammar is not boring at all. It’s a wonderful tool to help you say exactly what you want to say the best way you can. It’s a tool that you have to learn and allow yourself to be awkward with, at first, and keep practicing until you master it, and it becomes a skill that you don’t have to think about.
Jemaine Clement as frustrated author Dr. Ronald Chevalier in Gentleman Broncos.
Jemaine Clement as frustrated author Dr. Ronald Chevalier in Gentleman Broncos.

That frustration we talked about, remember? It comes from the feeling that something isn’t right, but you can’t pinpoint what exactly. Studying the craft of writing will show you what’s wrong and how to fix it. Without it you’ll be lost and tempted to give up.

But there are so many ways to write! You might be thinking. There are writers who plot, and writers who don’t! You’re right, of course. But here is what I’ve learned. Until you study the rules of your craft, you won’t know how to break them. And by not studying the rules at all you’re robbing yourself of a chance to learn how to tell your tale and tell it well. You might get lucky and stumble on it. You might not. Are you willing to spend days, months, years groping around in the dark? That’s what I did, and it’s not an easy road. I nearly quit writing altogether several times, that’s how bad it got.
So where do you start? You start by doing and learning. What do I mean by that? Simple. Start writing your tale. Just start. When you get blocked and don’t know how to proceed, look at what’s stopped you and study it. Read about it. Is it grammar? Revisit your grammar. Is it sentence structure or style? Read about style. Is it your character who gives you trouble? Study how to write characters. Plot problems? Learn about plotting. And so on. You will find that every time Confucius On Learning By Doingyou get stuck you will get unstuck, and with new knowledge keep charging forward. You will see that learning how to write well takes time, and you will allow your tale to be bad and awkward and messy, because you will know that it’s normal, and this is what will keep you from quitting. That’s huge. I wish someone told me this when I started.
I had to find out for myself. I hope my telling you this now will keep you from quitting. We need your tale. We want to read it. So tell it. And while doing so, learn how to tell it well. It may be that it’ll take you ten bad tales to arrive at one good one. Or maybe twenty. Or thirty. But never give up. Do and learn, do and learn, and you will get there. And now I’m done telling you my tale about how I learned that to tell my tale well I needed to study how to do it. Your turn.
For the Silo, ksenia anske | fantasy writer
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Silo Book Spotlight- A Practical Guide to Emotional Intelligence

The Power Of Feelings CoverSmallFeelings are at the core of every social interaction. Anger, fear, and sadness are all very different concepts, but together they form part of an emotional compass that allows people to appropriately deal with each other in everyday situations. In short, unlocking the true power behind a person’s feelings – even challenging ones – is actually the key to clarity, love, and a happier life.  

As a way to help you understand your feelings and develop your own emotional intelligence, business coach, speaker, and bestselling author Vivian Dittmar has written the insightful book, The Power of Feelings: A Practical Guide to Emotional Intelligence.  In this groundbreaking work, Dittmar takes the reader on an introspective journey by examining the inner workings of the human mind and heart. She explains at length the difference between feelings and emotions, how each are created, why each has its own purpose, and why everything you “feel” is not always a feeling.

Divided into five easy-to-read sections, The Power of Feelings is a comprehensive guidebook with 12 self-assessment exercises for exploring your life. By working through these exercises, Dittmar ultimately teaches how understanding and harnessing the power behind your feelings are the keys to your emotional potential and intelligence.

In this fascinating and eye-opening book, Dittmar also reveals:

  •  The Five Powers of Anger, Sadness, Fear, Joy, and Shame: How each fulfills an important function in your life
  • Turning Negative Feelings Into Positive Forces: Why some feelings that are typically considered to be “bad” can be used to your benefit
  • Emotional Baggage: Some of the most effective ways to deal with past emotional issues
  • Blocks of Emotional Intelligence: Common causes of emotional imbalances
  • Living Feelings: How to incorporate conscious feelings into your daily life

VivianDittmarAuthorBanner

“When I felt it was time to write my first book, I took a look at what was on the market in the field of personal development and felt the greatest deficit was in the realm of feelings and emotions,” says Dittmar. “I had been emotionally challenged in my life and was unsatisfied with the answers I could find. This dissatisfaction caused me to start investigating the matter within me, with the people I worked with, and in seminars and groups. When it was time to write the book, we collected questions about feelings from people of all walks of life looking for the same answers. This material later became the first version of The Power of Feelings.”

Vivian Dittmar grew up on three continents in three different cultures. In doing so, she developed a unique perspective on humans and their interactions. Traveling between first, second, and third-world nations, she was struck by the contrast between people’s external wealth and their corresponding life issues. Her experiences led her to pursue a career in the fields of self-help and personal development.

Throughout her career, Dittmar has worked in Germany, Indonesia, Australia, Thailand, Costa Rica, Italy, Greece, and Sweden. In Indonesia, she ran her own practice working with clients from all backgrounds. She then returned to Europe and set up the non-profit, Be the Change Foundation for Cultural Change.  The foundation offers educational events to raise awareness about ecological and social justice issues.

Dittmar also works as a trainer and coach.  As a coach, she helps small and mid-sized business owners and executives develop their emotional intelligence. She is also the author of three successful books – the first of which has been translated from German into English, Italian, and Spanish. Dittmar currently lives between Germany and Italy and is a mother of two sons.

Books are available on VivianDittmar.com and Amazon.comE-books are also available on Kindle. Connect with Dittmar on Twitter.com and Facebook.com.