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5 Crucial Online Dating Mistakes

Working with thousands of clients over the years as an online dating coach, I’ve seen so many simple errors intelligent singles make that hamper their chances with online dating. 

Before you say online dating does not work (it does), or it will not work for me (why not?), or my friends tell me horror stories (believe me, they are doing something wrong—it’s them, not the app/site), here are some things to think about:

  1.  A unique Profile

    Short and Sweet sells.  No one wants to read a long monologue. 
    Here’s an excerpt of a profile I wrote for a male client that got great traction….and a relationship:

“YES:  vanilla, rosemary, Buenos Aires, humility, Barnes & Noble browsing, bourbon, cilantro, dogs, generosity, bikes, empathy, skates, skis, boats.

NO: beets, videoconference dates, whining about online dating apps, Red Wings, selfishness, arrogance, snakes.

I can’t grow a bougainvillea to save myself.  It grows like a weed here and I can’t keep it alive for 10 days.”

We had trouble keeping up with the responses he got!

  1.  Your Profile
    It must be grammatically perfect with no mistakes.  Yes, people read these and if they see you using “there” and “their” wrong, they very well may skip right over you. Spellcheck is your BF!

  1.  Messages
    If I hear one more woman tell me the man should reach out first, I’ll lose it!.  Men love when you make the first move. 
    If they do send a message, it can be one of two big mistakes:
  1.  It’s a short generic message
  2. It’s a 3-paragraph novella where you are cross-eyed by the end with way too much information.  Nobody will read this.
  1.  The Phone thing
    Pre-date, why do you need to chat on the phone?  
    Here are the issues with that:
    A.   A 45–60-minute call—client all excited as they have so much in common and the first date expectations have risen astronomically.  Very few dates can measure up now.

    B.  A short, awkward call and no date ensues.  This is a bummer because the other person may just not be good on the phone—perhaps a bit reserved, shy, etc.  This could have been the right person for you!

Ok, the only time I encourage a phone call is if there is significant distance. 



You live within 20 minutes of each other.  Go on the date. It’s coffee or a drink.  Get dressed and go!

  1.  Your photos
    Nobody, yes, nobody goes to your profile first.   Photos make or break you. 

    If you are serious about online dating and going on good dates or perhaps beginning a relationship, 5-6 great photos are a necessity.   And by that I do not mean filtered, air-brushed, highly edited photos.  I just mean you at your very best.  And current—as in from the past year.  And what you will look like when you show up on your date.

Action shots sell.  I had a NYC Wall Street-type juggling in a pic.  Plus, he bowls.  (I guess no one bowls and that grabbed a bit of attention).  Not the stereotypical private equity guy, right?

I hope this helps you a bit—I love what I do and enjoy my one-on-one contact with clients.  It’s one of the reasons that I sold It’s Just Lunch (I founded it in 1991 and sold out to Private Equity when we had 110 locations globally) as I missed client contact.   Remember, it only takes one! For the Silo, Andrea McGinty.

Illustrator Demonstrates Ireland’s Linguistic Decline

JG O’Donoghue imagines a ‘versus’ scenario to demonstrate the struggle of ‘languages at risk’

There is a mass decline in linguistic diversity happening all over the planet and in places geographically far apart and I think that if things don’t change, the loss of language diversity will be immense.

In the book, Irish in the global context,  Suzanne Romaine mentions that linguists believe, that 50 to 90 % of the world’s estimated 6,900 languages will simply vanish over next 100 years.

At this moment in time, 85% of the world’s languages have fewer than 100,000 speakers and over half of the world’s remaining languages are spoken by just .2 % of the world’s population. These facts have informed my work and have become the wider subject of my illustrations, specifically the linguistic decline of the Irish language.

In some ways the battle between the Irish and the English languages is one of the defining features in modern Irish culture, but it is Irish which defines this island more, and the Irish language tells the entire history of Ireland in its influences and in its form.

Ruairí Ó hUiginn said in his book  The Irish language: you have influences of Latin from the Christianization of Ireland in ecclesiastical words, influences from Viking invasions in words for “seafaring, fishing and trade”, influences from the militaristic Normans [ French CP] in words for “architecture, administration and warfare”, and from English colonialism you get English in every day words.

“To create my intended mood, the english words are given a general typography while the Irish words are given a distinctive script reminiscent of Geoffrey Keating’s book Foras Feasa ar Eirinn”

Each influence shows an aspect of Irish culture. What people forget to realize is that a language is much more than something spoken to express oneself. Ancient peoples created language in an attempt to describe the world around them and the world within them, in other words their worldview.

An example in Irish is- you don’t say ‘I’m angry’, you say ‘tá fearg orm’, which means ‘I have an anger on me’.

Nevertheless, Irish is important internationally too, and Irish is the third oldest written language in Europe, after Latin and Greek, and as a spoken language it may even be older than both.

How should an artist illustrate a language? And more specifically the struggle of one language with another? I choose nature as my metaphor, from the ancient forests of Ireland, mostly gone now, to Islands which stand for thousands of years but are slowly worn away by the tide. The words that make up these landscapes are either ‘for’ or ‘against’.

My illustrations therefore visualize the real life drama of ancient language versus modern language.

I imagine a “versus” scenario. On the “against” side I chose English words plucked from peoples statements in online forums and in letters to newspapers. On the “for” side I chose Irish words, and they were chosen from recent investigations into the creation of the ancient Irish language. Irish words in my illustrations such as “dúchas (heritage), tír (country), litríocht(literature), and stair(history)” reflect the Irish language’s cultural importance, while “Todhchaí(future), féinmhuinín(self-confidence), beatha(life), and anam(soul)” reflect its importance in a metaphysical way to Ireland.

The Irish language forest- An Coill Teanga Gaeilge

The english ‘against’ words can range from the practical benefits of english within subjects such as “tourism, movies, business, and comics,” to words that reflect the interaction of English speakers with Irish. To illustrate the concept, I chose words like “conform, bend, harass, and adapt”.

To create my intended mood, the english words are given a general indistinctive typography reflecting uniform mono-linguilism, while the Irish words are given a distinctive Irish manuscript/Gaelic script reminiscent of Geoffrey Keating’s 17th century book- Foras Feasa ar Éirinn/History of Ireland.

The core message in my illustrations is a positive one, the sun is rising for a new day as the Irish language holds on, like a lot of minority languages. It is diminished but not beyond hope. I believe it can make a comeback, and this is exactly what is happening all over this country today, because of the work of people far more dedicated than myself. I hope my work can help reinforce linguistic diversity as well as all forms of heritage. I have the will to preserve these for future generations, so they too can live in a world full of diversity spending their lives discovering and exploring it in all its beautiful variety.

For the Silo, JG O’Donoghue.