Tag Archives: social skills

5 Ways To Listen Better


In our louder and louder world, says sound expert Julian Treasure, “We are losing our listening.” In this short, fascinating talk, Treasure shares five ways to re-tune your ears for conscious listening — to other people and the world around you.

Julian Treasure studies sound and helps people and businesses to listen, speak and use sound well.
This talk was presented at an official TED conference. For the Silo, David J. Hensley.

Transcript


00:03
We are losing our listening. We spend roughly 60 percent of our communication time listening, but we’re not very good at it. We retain just 25 percent of what we hear. Now — not you, not this talk, but that is generally true.
00:18
(Laughter)
00:19
Let’s define listening as making meaning from sound. It’s a mental process, and it’s a process of extraction.
00:27
We use some pretty cool techniques to do this. One of them is pattern recognition. (Crowd noises) So in a cocktail party like this, if I say, “David, Sara, pay attention” — some of you just sat up. We recognize patterns to distinguish noise from signal, and especially our name. Differencing is another technique we use. If I left this pink noise on for more than a couple of minutes, (Pink noise) you would literally cease to hear it. We listen to differences; we discount sounds that remain the same.
00:56
And then there is a whole range of filters. These filters take us from all sound down to what we pay attention to. Most people are entirely unconscious of these filters. But they actually create our reality in a way, because they tell us what we’re paying attention to right now. I’ll give you one example of that. Intention is very important in sound, in listening. When I married my wife, I promised her I would listen to her every day as if for the first time. Now that’s something I fall short of on a daily basis.
01:28
(Laughter)
01:29
But it’s a great intention to have in a relationship.
01:32
(Laughter)
01:34
But that’s not all. Sound places us in space and in time. If you close your eyes right now in this room, you’re aware of the size of the room from the reverberation and the bouncing of the sound off the surfaces; you’re aware of how many people are around you, because of the micro-noises you’re receiving. And sound places us in time as well, because sound always has time embedded in it. In fact, I would suggest that our listening is the main way that we experience the flow of time from past to future. So, “Sonority is time and meaning” — a great quote.
02:08
I said at the beginning, we’re losing our listening. Why did I say that? Well, there are a lot of reasons for this. First of all, we invented ways of recording — first writing, then audio recording and now video recording as well. The premium on accurate and careful listening has simply disappeared. Secondly, the world is now so noisy, (Noise) with this cacophony going on visually and auditorily, it’s just hard to listen; it’s tiring to listen. Many people take refuge in headphones, but they turn big, public spaces like this, shared soundscapes, into millions of tiny, little personal sound bubbles. In this scenario, nobody’s listening to anybody.
02:51
We’re becoming impatient. We don’t want oratory anymore; we want sound bites. And the art of conversation is being replaced — dangerously, I think — by personal broadcasting. I don’t know how much listening there is in this conversation, which is sadly very common, especially in the UK. We’re becoming desensitized. Our media have to scream at us with these kinds of headlines in order to get our attention. And that means it’s harder for us to pay attention to the quiet, the subtle, the understated.
03:23
This is a serious problem that we’re losing our listening. This is not trivial, because listening is our access to understanding. Conscious listening always creates understanding, and only without conscious listening can these things happen. A world where we don’t listen to each other at all is a very scary place indeed. So I’d like to share with you five simple exercises, tools you can take away with you, to improve your own conscious listening. Would you like that?
03:55
Audience: Yes!
03:56
Good. The first one is silence. Just three minutes a day of silence is a wonderful exercise to reset your ears and to recalibrate, so that you can hear the quiet again. If you can’t get absolute silence, go for quiet, that’s absolutely fine.
04:13
Second, I call this “the mixer.” (Noise) So even if you’re in a noisy environment like this — and we all spend a lot of time in places like this — listen in the coffee bar to how many channels of sound can I hear? How many individual channels in that mix am I listening to? You can do it in a beautiful place as well, like in a lake. How many birds am I hearing? Where are they? Where are those ripples? It’s a great exercise for improving the quality of your listening.
04:40
Third, this exercise I call “savoring,” and this is a beautiful exercise. It’s about enjoying mundane sounds. This, for example, is my tumble dryer.
04:49
(Dryer)
04:50
It’s a waltz — one, two, three; one, two, three; one, two, three. I love it! Or just try this one on for size.
04:58
(Coffee grinder)
05:07
Wow! So, mundane sounds can be really interesting — if you pay attention. I call that the “hidden choir” — it’s around us all the time.
05:16
The next exercise is probably the most important of all of these, if you just take one thing away. This is listening positions — the idea that you can move your listening position to what’s appropriate to what you’re listening to. This is playing with those filters. Remember I gave you those filters? It’s starting to play with them as levers, to get conscious about them and to move to different places. These are just some of the listening positions, or scales of listening positions, that you can use. There are many. Have fun with that. It’s very exciting.
05:46
And finally, an acronym. You can use this in listening, in communication. If you’re in any one of those roles — and I think that probably is everybody who’s listening to this talk — the acronym is RASA, which is the Sanskrit word for “juice” or “essence.” And RASA stands for “Receive,” which means pay attention to the person; “Appreciate,” making little noises like “hmm,” “oh,” “OK”; “Summarize” — the word “so” is very important in communication; and “Ask,” ask questions afterwards.
06:18
Now sound is my passion, it’s my life. I wrote a whole book about it. So I live to listen. That’s too much to ask for most people. But I believe that every human being needs to listen consciously in order to live fully — connected in space and in time to the physical world around us, connected in understanding to each other, not to mention spiritually connected, because every spiritual path I know of has listening and contemplation at its heart.
06:46
That’s why we need to teach listening in our schools as a skill. Why is it not taught? It’s crazy. And if we can teach listening in our schools, we can take our listening off that slippery slope to that dangerous, scary world that I talked about, and move it to a place where everybody is consciously listening all the time, or at least capable of doing it.
07:07
Now, I don’t know how to do that, but this is TED, and I think the TED community is capable of anything. So I invite you to connect with me, connect with each other, take this mission out. And let’s get listening taught in schools, and transform the world in one generation to a conscious, listening world — a world of connection, a world of understanding and a world of peace.
07:29
Thank you for listening to me today.

Working On Emotional Intelligence Will Open Doors To Achievement

Emotional Intelligence Empathy Plus

Personal power is a core leadership competency that everyone  needs to develop before they can lead others. It has to do with being able to
lead yourself.

“Personal power is the ability to achieve what you want,”  according to Frederick Mann, a successful entrepreneur and author of The  Economic Rape of America.

“More than anything else, it is personal power  that brings you success and happiness. The biggest barrier to success in almost
any endeavor is powerlessness, negativity, helplessness, and inertia. They  belong together. The problem is not only our own powerlessness, but also the  powerlessness of those around us.”

We can help harness and learn to use our personal power by  understanding and working on our Emotional Intelligence (EI) skills.

Not long ago, when I worked in a corporate environment, there was a strong push to incorporate EI into the organization’s leadership
training curriculum as an array of skills and characteristics that drive  leadership performance.

EI is “the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings  and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide
one’s thinking and actions,” according to psychologists John D. Mayer and Peter  Salovey, who co-developed the concept and were two of the three authors of the Emotional Intelligence Test.

a.  Pay attention to the feedback of friends and co-workers, good and bad. Train yourself to repeat the behaviors that get positive feedback and work on eliminating those that make people react negatively.
b.  View constructive criticism as just that. When we become defensive, we don’t hear what can be very helpful feedback.
c.  Learn to handle conflict and confrontation from a perspective of compassion and caring.

Personal coaching can be very helpful in learning to be more diplomatic in your interactions with others.

Dr. Salovey (left) and Dr. Mayer (right)
Dr. Salovey (left) and Dr. Mayer (right)

My EI training and its practical applications to my work team environment still resonate in my personal life. They became skills that I now methodically apply to current situations in both personal and entrepreneurial pursuits.

There are several EI models, but the one to which I ascribe is the mixed model introduced by Daniel Goldman, a combination of ability and traits. Here are Goldman’s five main EI constructs, and my views on how each of us can develop them:

1.  Self-awareness: the ability to know one’s emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and goals and recognize their impact on others while using gut feelings to guide decisions.

In order to become self-aware, you need to conduct an honest self-assessment to determine your strengths and weaknesses, such as powerlessness and inertia, and determine the root causes. You then need to create a plan that will help you overcome your fears, which are barriers to courage and stand between you and your successes.

While I am a big proponent of using my intuition to guide my decisions, whenever it is appropriate, I need to caution that unless your gut
feelings are often more right than wrong, you cannot make decisions solely based upon intuition. You need to use a balanced combination of intuition and logic.

2.  Self-regulation: involves controlling or redirecting one’s disruptive emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.

Simply put, you need to exercise self-discipline and know how to control your emotions and be flexible in order to adapt to changing
situations. You cannot continue on the same trajectory or keep the same plans when the circumstances or facts have changed. Your plans need to be modified accordingly.

3.  Social skills: managing relationships to move people in the desired direction.

Your social skills refer to your interpersonal skills or your ability to relate and connect with people, which can motivate them to deploy discretionary efforts to help you achieve goals that are best accomplished via partnership and collaboration.

Here are some tips for improving your social skills:

a.  Pay attention to the feedback of friends and co-workers, good and bad. Train yourself to repeat the behaviors that get positive feedback and work on eliminating those that make people react negatively.
b.  View constructive criticism as just that. When we become defensive, we don’t hear what can be very helpful feedback.
c.  Learn to handle conflict and confrontation from a perspective of compassion and caring.

Personal coaching can be very helpful in learning to be more diplomatic in your interactions with others.

4.  Empathy – considering other people’s feelings, especially when making decisions.

Some people believe empathy cannot be learned, but I believe just the opposite. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see
situations from their perspective. Might they be feeling fear? Shame? Guilt? How do those emotions make you feel? Understanding and addressing the concerns of others is essential to EI.

Always consider intent versus impact, and how your actions or decisions may affect the individuals or groups involved.

5.  Motivation – being driven to achieve for the sake of achievement.

Simply put, what motivates you? What are your benchmarks for success? Once you achieve certain levels of success, you need to consistently
set new benchmarks to keep chasing personal excellence!

Practice your EI skills on yourself first, and you’ll develop greater personal power. That can lead to achievements you may never have dreamed possible. For the Silo, Lynda Chervil.

Lynda Chervil is the author of “Fool’s Return,” http://lyndachervil.com/, a new novel that incorporates valuable life lessons in a page-turning tale that touches on technology, the green movement, and other aspects of contemporary society.

Lynda Chervil
Lynda Chervil

Progressive Dolls Feature Anatomically Correct Bodies And Varied Ethnic Groups

Educational Insights, a leader in manufacturing toys that ignite passions and inspire imaginations, offers  two innovative new baby dolls.

Beyond being crafted from the highest-quality European standards, Baby Bijoux and Baby Doux foster nurturing-care and imaginative play while exposing children to the realities of their world. The dolls come in a wide variety of just-like-me skin-tones and ethnicities, and Baby Bijoux features anatomically correct body designs.

Educational Insights Baby Doux African American Doll | Walmart Canada

Both dolls were awarded the Oppenheim Toy Portfolio Gold Seal Award and are already catching the attention of influential moms like @kcstauffer, with over 3.2 million followers, who has shown her daughters playing with the new dolls twice on her Instagram channel.

zoomed image

Baby Bijoux is a beautifully crafted, anatomically correct 15.75” (40 cm) doll which encourages self-discovery, nurturing and empathy.

Available in both boy and girl in just-like-me skin tones and hair types of African American, Asian, Caucasian and Hispanic. This baby will be sure to encourage curiosity and answer kids’ natural questions about the human body while helping to develop language and vocabulary skills and encouraging social and emotional development.

Educational Insights Has Released Two Innovative New Baby Dolls | Emily  Reviews

Age range: 3-6 years

MSRP: $64.99usd

Baby Doux is a 12” (30.5 cm) soft bodied baby doll available in multicultural skin tones including Hispanic, African American, Asian and Caucasian. With movable arms and legs and realistic baby details, the just-like-me skin tones promote real world connections. Encouraging your little ones to care for their baby helps teach empathy, social and emotional skills as well as promoting imaginative play.

Age range: 2+ years

MSRP: $54.99usd

For the Silo, Megan Flagg. 

Fast Track To The Future With Virtual Reality

Occulus Rift Xray ImageThe implications of what Virtual Reality can achieve are vast, and it is predicted that VR will seep into every area of our lives in the very near future. VR is not just a concept that excites the entertainment business, but has a very real presence in some of the world’s most essential industries. However, many people remain skeptical about the impact virtual reality will actually have and suggest that it is only an attractive concept for gamers. Although it is true that VR is a fantastic way to improve online gaming, it has already been used in the medical and manufacturing industries, proving that virtual reality is not just a tool for play. Others fear VR could replace physical social interaction and they are therefore reluctant to consider the many benefits it actually presents. By taking a selection of real-life situations in which virtual reality is already used, we can assess its impact and perhaps decide whether it is to be embraced or discarded.

Surgery

It may not surprise you to know that the health sector is one of the biggest users and advocates of virtual reality. VR is of exceptional benefit in surgical training, improving student skills whilst minimizing risk to potential patients. This type of training can improve confidence and allow students to explore surgical procedures and options that would otherwise be inaccessible to them during the initial stages of their training. Virtual reality is already used by surgical staff, trainee nurses, dentists, and in numerous other health settings, world wide, allowing students to quickly gain skills without putting themselves or other individuals at risk.

Therapy

The authentic nature of VR allows therapists to assist patients with certain phobias. VR promotes controlled environments which can quickly be changed or eradicated during a course of therapy. For example, a person suffering from arachnophobia would perhaps find it more helpful and less daunting to experience holding a spider via VR rather than in a real life situation, and of course, a virtual reality headset can be turned off immediately should the situation require it. Other phobias and aversions could be tackled through the use of VR, including water aversion, acrophobia (fear of extreme heights) or aviophobia (fear of flying).

Occulus Rift Hot Babe VR PornEntertainment

For some people, the online world is their only connection to society and if virtual reality gaming can help them continue to connect, then this can only be perceived as a positive thing. There is no denying that virtual reality is an amazingly entertaining concept and, when done well, is an excellent way to experience online gaming. Being fully immersed in a game is a highly attractive idea: whether it be one that takes you to a battlefield, or a game that allows you to feel as if you are actually being dealt cards at a plush casino in Vegas. Currently, gamers can connect with people from all over the world, or play slots in the comfort of their own home by visiting a site such as  www.luckynuggetcasino.com yet imagine the thrill of full immersion through the power of virtual reality.

Transport and Training

Again, we touch upon the benefits virtual reality provides to many aspects of training and, in this particular situation, to the world of transport. For years the aviation industry has been using simulations to help train pilots and virtual reality is a welcome advance in such training. VR flight training presents minimal risk to both the pilot and passengers whilst allowing pilots to experience the difficulties that may arise whilst being in control of the aircraft. The most spectacular example of virtual reality based vehicle training is perhaps that used by NASA to train its astronauts. The training includes various simulations including that of an astronaut having to perform repairs during zero-gravity conditions, as well as a simulated detachment from the shuttle with the astronaut having to use a powered backpack to return. NASA has even managed to use VR in space, keeping astronauts up to date with training whilst on a mission and it has been suggested that VR will be used to entertain astronauts in space in the future. Just imagine, you could soon be sharing your virtual poker table with the astronauts of tomorrow!

Supplemental- Gamers are talking about the Oculus Rift and the Playstation VR but the HTC Vive looks pretty sweet too!

A Musical Journey for Robots and their masters~ CLICK ME
A Musical Journey for Robots and their masters~ CLICK ME