Working with thousands of clients over the years as an online dating coach, I’ve seen so many simple errors intelligent singles make that hamper their chances with online dating.
Before you say online dating does not work (it does), or it will not work for me (why not?), or my friends tell me horror stories (believe me, they are doing something wrong—it’s them, not the app/site), here are some things to think about:
A unique Profile
Short and Sweet sells. No one wants to read a long monologue. Here’s an excerpt of a profile I wrote for a male client that got great traction….and a relationship:
NO: beets, videoconference dates, whining about online dating apps, Red Wings, selfishness, arrogance, snakes. I can’t grow a bougainvillea to save myself. It grows like a weed here and I can’t keep it alive for 10 days.”
We had trouble keeping up with the responses he got!
Your Profile It must be grammatically perfect with no mistakes. Yes, people read these and if they see you using “there” and “their” wrong, they very well may skip right over you. Spellcheck is your BF!
Messages If I hear one more woman tell me the man should reach out first, I’ll lose it!. Men love when you make the first move. If they do send a message, it can be one of two big mistakes:
It’s a short generic message
It’s a 3-paragraph novella where you are cross-eyed by the end with way too much information. Nobody will read this.
The Phone thing Pre-date, why do you need to chat on the phone? Here are the issues with that: A. A 45–60-minute call—client all excited as they have so much in common and the first date expectations have risen astronomically. Very few dates can measure up now.
B. A short, awkward call and no date ensues. This is a bummer because the other person may just not be good on the phone—perhaps a bit reserved, shy, etc. This could have been the right person for you!
Ok, the only time I encourage a phone call is if there is significant distance.
You live within 20 minutes of each other. Go on the date. It’s coffee or a drink. Get dressed and go!
Your photos Nobody, yes, nobody goes to your profile first. Photos make or break you.
If you are serious about online dating and going on good dates or perhaps beginning a relationship, 5-6 great photos are a necessity. And by that I do not mean filtered, air-brushed, highly edited photos. I just mean you at your very best. And current—as in from the past year. And what you will look like when you show up on your date.
Action shots sell. I had a NYC Wall Street-type juggling in a pic. Plus, he bowls. (I guess no one bowls and that grabbed a bit of attention). Not the stereotypical private equity guy, right?
I hope this helps you a bit—I love what I do and enjoy my one-on-one contact with clients. It’s one of the reasons that I sold It’s Just Lunch (I founded it in 1991 and sold out to Private Equity when we had 110 locations globally) as I missed client contact. Remember, it only takes one! For the Silo, Andrea McGinty.
There are nowadays millions of single men, and among those, many dream of meeting a woman from Eastern Europe. Indeed, these women are known to be extremely attractive, faithful, and ready to do anything to come to live in Europe. Many dating and marriage agencies have been created to cater for this niche, specializing in so-called international marriages.
Unfortunately, many scams are hidden among these agencies. The websites use the faces of superb young women as bait. Once the vulnerable bachelor is hooked by some carefully worded emails, he is asked for money to cover the cost of a plane ticket as well as the visa fee. The sums involved can go up to 1,500 or 2,000 €, depending on the naivety of the man, and there is generally no way to fight it legally.
Anti Arnaques, the First community dedicated to fight Eastern Europe romance scams
That’s why Anti-Arnaques was created, in order to provide a reliable verification platform to any man who has doubts about the sincerity of the person he is speaking to. It includes:
A unique identity verification system in 2 steps: the Express Background Verification, through the four major Russian social networks, and the Official Background Verification, through the public and private databases of Russian and Ukrainian citizens that are reserved to the official authorities.
A black list containing names and pictures of women known to have practiced scams.
Practical advice to identify risk scenarios.
A forum to exchange ideas on potential risky encounter situations.
Testimony of a scam victim
“Hello, I am Rui, I live in Portugal and I was a victim of a scheme. Nastya or Anastasiya Vorozhnina, living at Lomonosova 97-64, 428000 Novopokrovskoe Russia, deceived me. By mere chance, I only lost 200 €, as well as 24 photos. This scheme lasted about 5 months, but I always resisted to send the full amount of money she requested, which was around 800 € to start with.
I hope to my testimony will help someone, and prevent him to fall into such scheme. These women can be very sweet at the beginning: only after 2 or 3 months she started to ask money. She was an authentic professional, who already appears in your list with other names: if I had knew Antiarnaques.org back then, I would not have wasted so much time.”
Rui, 48 years old, scammed by A.V.
The website Antiarnaques.org (which means Antiscams in French) allows anyone who wants to date a Russian, Ukrainian or Slav women to check the identity of a specific woman. Antiarnaques.org also offers the possibility to check the reliability of any marriage agency, and to consult the black list of Russian women known for fraud.
About Dimitri Berezniakov, the creator of Anti Arnaques
Dimitri Berezniakov launched UKReine.com in 1998: it was the first dating site specializing in international marriages between men from France, Belgium, Switzerland and Canada, and Ukrainian women.
This allowed him have a ringside seat to witness the rise of Russian romance scams: he used to receive emails from men victims of these scams almost daily. Because of the magnitude of the problem, he decided to create Anti Arnaques in 2010, in order to offer a reliable solution to individuals wishing to verify the identity of Russian and Ukrainian women.
Anti Arnaques, le premier site francophone de lutte contre les escroqueries sur le marché de la rencontre russe
Le site Antiarnaques.org permet à tout individu souhaitant trouver l’amour auprès d’une femme russe, ukrainienne ou slave de vérifier l’identité d’une femme spécifique. Antiarnaques.org offre également la possibilité de vérifier le sérieux de l’agence matrimoniale choisie, et de consulter la liste noire de femmes russes connues pour escroquerie.
La rencontre de femmes russes, ukrainiennes et slaves : un marché florissant mais présentant de nombreux risques
On compte aujourd’hui dans l’Hexagone de 16 millions à 18 millions de célibataires, divorcés et veufs, ce qui représente un marché attractif et porteur (CIDJ.com). Et ce nombre ne cesse d’augmenter : le nombre de seniors et de divorcés étant en hausse, de plus en plus d’individus se retrouvent à chercher l’âme sœur.
Parmi ces millions de célibataires, de nombreux hommes rêvent de rencontrer une femme originaire d’Europe de l’Est. En effet, on leur promet des femmes fidèles au physique extrêmement attractif, prêtes à tout pour venir vivre en France. Une multitude d’agences matrimoniales s’est ainsi positionnée sur ce créneau, en se spécialisant dans les rencontres dites internationales.
Malheureusement, de nombreuses arnaques se cachent parmi ces agences. Les sites utilisent les visages de superbes jeunes femmes comme appât. Une fois le célibataire vulnérable hameçonné par quelques emails soigneusement rédigés, on lui demande de l’argent pour couvrir le montant d’un billet d’avion ainsi que les frais de visa. Les sommes en jeu peuvent monter jusqu’à 1 500 ou 2 000 € selon la naïveté de l’interlocuteur, et il n’existe en général aucun recours devant la justice.
Anti Arnaques, première communauté francophone luttant contre les arnaques sentimentales d’Europe de l’Est
C’est pour cela qu’a été créé Anti Arnaques, dont l’objectif est de fournir une plateforme de vérification fiable à tout homme ayant des doutes sur la sincérité de son interlocutrice. On y trouve ainsi :
Un système de vérification d’identité unique en deux temps : la Vérification Express, via des 4 principaux réseaux sociaux russes, et la Vérification Officielle, via les bases de données publiques et fermées des citoyennes russes et ukrainiennes qui sont réservées aux organismes officiels.
Une liste noire répertoriant les noms comme les visages des femmes connues pour avoir pratiquées des escroqueries.
Une liste noire des agences matrimoniales internationales connues pour pratiquer des escroqueries.
Des conseils pratiques et concrets pour identifier les scénarios à risque.
Un forum d’entraide pour échanger sur des situations de rencontres potentiellement à risques.
Ils ont été victimes d’arnaques et témoignent
« Tout a commencé par un mail, et des conversations dans lesquelles on parlait de tout et de rien. Je lui ai proposé de venir en France pour son anniversaire, et la cascade d’ennuis a débuté : pas d’argent pour payer le passeport, pas d’argent pour payer le visa…J’ai donc payé tous les frais. Une fois à l’aéroport, elle s’est soi-disant faiteî arrêter, on lui a interdit de quitter le pays à cause du crédit de son appartement. J’ai eu moult preuves de sa bonne foi, j’ai cru en elle, je me suis senti responsable, je me suis investi à fond. J’ai donné beaucoup beaucoup d’argent, et aujourd’hui j’ai tout perdu.
Je souhaite simplement que d’autres ne répètent pas les mêmes erreurs : je l’ai donc signalé sur Anti Arnaques, s’il vous plaît allez-voir, et faites attention ! »
Joël, 43 ans, arnaqué par E. T.
“J’ai commencé une relation par email avec Anastasiya, elle m’a complétement séduit en quelques semaines. Elle était extrêmement douce au début, puis a commencé à réclamer de l’argent. Par chance, j’ai flairé quelque chose de louche et ne lui ai envoyé que 200 €. J’ai ensuite réalisé qu’elle était présente sur la liste noire d’Anti Arnaques ! »
J’espère empêcher un autre homme de tomber dans le même piège ! »
Pierre, 48 ans, arnaqué par A. V.
A propos de Dimitri Berezniakov, le créateur du site Anti Arnaques
Dimitri Berezniakov a lancé UKReine.com en 1998 : il s’agissait alors du premier site de rencontres spécialisé dans les mariages internationaux entre des hommes originaires de France, de Belgique, de Suisse et du Canada, et des femmes ukrainiennes.
Cela lui a permis d’être aux premières loges pour assister à l’essor des arnaques sentimentales en provenance d’Europe de l’Est : il reçoit alors des emails provenant d’hommes victimes de ces escroqueries quasi-quotidiennement. Face à l’ampleur du problème, il décide de créer Anti Arnaques en 2010, afin d’offrir une solution fiable aux individus souhaitant vérifier l’identité de leurs interlocutrices.
A new study of the dating app Jaumo concludes that superficiality in online dating is just a preconceived prejudice. A survey among North American users shows that the majority of participants do find athleticism attractive but a couple of extra pounds on the hips will not necessarily decrease your chances of finding a date.
What attracts Jaumo users?
What is it, that attracts one person to another? Which body features are most important to most people? To answer these questions, Jaumo carried out a survey among more than 4,400 Jaumo users from the US. Jaumo interviewed them over a period of 4 weeks about their preferences in regards to their own body and personal ideals required of a partner. Users could agree or disagree with the statements outlined in the survey.
Image: whoabooty.com
Jaumo users are not only active flirters.
63 percent of the users find an athletic partner attractive and more than half of the respondents don’t mind a couple of extra pounds on their significant other’s hips. It is noticeable that significantly fewer users, namely 42 percent, consider an athletic body sexy. And the sexes even completely agree on this question!
Raw data from Jaumo Survey.
Hairy is not scary.
On the subject of body hair, the female users are pretty much in total agreement: 76% think chest hair belongs on the male body. The male users see this somewhat differently, but nonetheless, 64 percent of respondents agree. A natural look is also preferred in the downstairs department. 63 percent find a hairy pubic area perfectly acceptable and a total of 70% of the women prefer to see hair when they look down.
The way to someone’s heart is through their stomach.
Vegan, vegetarian, low-carb or meat-eater – with so many varied eating preferences, it may be difficult to find a partner with the same nutritional routine. For 77 percent of the Jaumo users, however, a compatible diet with their partner is seen as a must. For the Silo, Racheal A. Mack.
Jaumo founders Jens Kammerer and Benjamin Roth.
About Jaumo
Jaumo is a dating app founded by Jens Kammerer and Benjamin Roth in 2011. Jaumo has 20 million users in 180 countries around the world, more than 2 million of them in the USA and Canada. The dating app is available for free for iOS at the Apple Store and Android at the Google Play Store. The driving force of the two friends from Germany is to offer an uncomplicated and user-oriented product that binds satisfied customers.
Rachel DeAlto- flirting expert and brain behind the concept of FlipMe
May15, 2012– Introducing FlipMe, LLC—a revolutionary new way for women to flirt without providing their personal information, but before we get to that, Rachel DeAlto (flirting expert and the mastermind of FlipMe) offers her Top 5 Flirting Tips for Men: 1) Make the Approach – Flirting from afar should last about 1 minute. Take the initiative and start a conversation – even “Hi” works! 2) Play it Cool – Women definitely want to know you are interested, but we don’t want to feel like the last woman on Earth. Let us know you like us, but play a little cat and mouse along the way. 3) Pay Attention – It’s easy to get distracted, but try to give your full attention when you are just starting to get to know her. Listen to what she is saying and ask follow-up questions. 4) Stay Humble – You may be super successful and drive a fancy car, but don’t boast – it is a complete turn off. Let her figure it out on her own, and be impressed by your down to earth style. 5) Go Solo – We know you love your friends, and one day we might too! Until then, keep your boisterous buddies at bay while we get our flirt on.
Rachel DeAlto is a seasoned expert who has been featured on several television shows and programs and regularly teaches courses on flirting at The Learning Annex, America’s leading adult education center.
FlipMe Revolutionizes “How to Date” Rules & the Online Dating Scene and this popular flirting tool empowers Women to channel their inner coquette & make the first move.
How does it work?
– Give a prospective love interest a card with a sweet, sassy or sexy statement
– Log into your profile to see if he has responded
– Upon a response, connect and become intrigued with the new form of flirting
About FlipMe:
What FlipMe really is, is a philosophy. It’s here to say – let’s have fun again, and be confident. Get out there, meet people and make a connection. It’s breaking the ice made easy. You take charge of your dating life by giving your sassy, flirtatious side the perfect sidekick. FlipMe brings a casual confidence to meeting newpeople by offering a clever way to say “hi.” This stylish accessory is a simple and intriguing way to break the ice and let someone know you’re interested without divulging your personal details. When you purchase a pack, you get 30 cards, each with a unique code that lets the lucky recipient view your profile and send you messages. No one gets access unless you give them a card, and no one gets to see your personal information. It’s a safe, secure way to put the fun back in flirting. http://flipme.com/index.php
That’s why 
A new study of the dating app Jaumo concludes that superficiality in online dating is just a preconceived prejudice. A survey among North American users shows that the majority of participants do find athleticism attractive but a couple of extra pounds on the hips will not necessarily decrease your chances of finding a date.
