Tag Archives: judgment

How To Embrace Your Post Divorce Future

The “D” word. Stressful right? When your divorce is finally final, how will you begin again?

The transition can be liberating for some, daunting for others. Mixed feelings – anger, relief, sadness, joy, fear and uncertainty – are common and may take time to sort out.

Meanwhile, the clock on your new life is ticking, and regardless of your emotions, it is time for a freedom-inspired relaunch, says Jacqueline Newman, a Manhattan-based divorce lawyer and author of Soon To Be Ex: A Guide to Your Perfect Divorce & Relaunch (www.Jacquelinenewman.com).

The divorce proceedings – all the time spent with your attorney and in court,  all the hours burned while considering highly emotional and financial factors, from the impact on your children to the division of assets – put a big part of your life on hold, not to mention a major strain on it.  And now with the difficult process over, Newman says, it is important to focus on creating a brand new you.

“The last umpteen months have been about your kids, your ex, and your divorce,” says Newman, “thus, a little ‘me’ time is in order. Here is an opportunity to be free from having to answer to anyone but yourself. So live your life to its fullest.”

Newman’s message is that divorce does not have to be the worst thing that could have happened to you.

There are silver linings as you begin to take control of what you can, and she offers three tips on how to relaunch after a divorce.

     •    Treat yourself.  Right out of the divorce gate, buy something meaningful for yourself. Lose the guilt your ex made you feel for spending on clothes or expensive shoes. Your gift could be something symbolic and therapeutic that fires a shot back at your ex. “I would absolutely recommend you buy yourself a divorce present of some kind,” Newman says. “You deserve it. One woman I represented was constantly mocked by her husband during their marriage for being flat-chested. It is easy to guess what she bought as soon as her cash payment cleared.” Sexy White Lingerie for Bride Women's Lingerie Lace | Etsy

   •      Embrace single hood. This does not mean you have to hug your first post-divorce dinner partner. It means embracing a new stage of discovery, with the different, interesting people you meet while dating becoming part of your growth.  Newman recommends online dating as a way to “relearn how to date.” Many newly divorced people feel insecure about dating, but Newman suggests learning about people outside your comfort zone. And rather than trying to focus on finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, Newman says, “Give yourself some time to look around and meet different types of people. You may learn something that can broaden your perspective on life. If you can start seeing relationships not as the goal but as opportunities for growth, then you can start being more accepting with the outcome of each relationship.”  Cougar dating advice 1.

   •      Expand your freedom.  Use your new windows of time to catch up with friends you have not seen. Newman recommends Facebook as an easy way to reconnect. On weekends when the ex has the kids, strengthen your friendship circle and broaden it. Explore and re-discover yourself. Pursue new hobbies or renew ones you did not have as much time for in marriage. Advance your career. “Your post-divorce life is offering you a chance to go after the promotion you have been dreaming about,” Newman says. “Cougars” on the prowl in Colorado nightclubs – The Denver Post

By doing the things you long wanted to do, you can find the new you. 

“You are free to be who you are without judgment from a spouse,” Newman says, “and to do whatever you want. Learn to love yourself.”  For the Silo, Cathy K. Hayes. 

Supplemental– Silo archives: break up jewelry

 

 

University Of Pittsburgh Professor Asks Teachers To Decentralize Race

H. Richard Milner, a professor, noted researcher and expert on race in education at the University of Pittsburgh believes that “education is the key to addressing inequity and racism in society” and if we are not “working in education to combat racism, we are complicit in maintaining inequity and the status quo.” Are teachers prepared and willing to take this on? Milner notes that teachers “can struggle with tools to advance justice-centered curriculum and instructional opportunities that work against racism” and therefore education programs for teachers must support them “in developing knowledge and skills in ways that centralize race so that students can examine both localized and global perspectives and worldviews.” Additionally, school administrators and policies must be in place that “advance agendas that encourage and expect race-central learning opportunities and especially discourse.” Beyond these stakeholders, Milner recommends that students, community members, families and parents be part of the learning discourse “providing perspectives about their own worlds and experiences.”

This month we opened up the conversation on racism in education to our global Millennial Bloggers. The Millennial Bloggers are based all over the world. They are innovators in entrepreneurship, journalism, education, entertainment, health and well-being and academic scholarship. We asked them: Do we need to talk more about racism in Education?

“When I was 14, in our first class of Literature in English, I remember our teacher saying, rather solemnly, that our subject is called Literature in English, rather than English Literature,” writes Bonnie Chiu. “It was a moment of enlightenment for me. It instilled in me this critical mindset, this yearning to challenge the status quo; and it gave me a sense of agency.”

“We can’t afford to defer the conversation about white supremacy for even a single moment longer. It has proven itself to be the most obstinate social institution in the entire history of America,” writes Francisco Hernandez. “How could we even possibly think we could fight something so tough if we can’t even talk about what it means to fight it?”

“Any nation that can stomach the principle of caste, which is the most brutal ‘classification’ of human beings based on birth anywhere in the world, cannot help but differentiate, and differentiate repeatedly, on the basis of every parameter society can construct in a desperate and insular bid to separate ‘us’ from ‘them’,” writes Harmony Siganporia. “Nothing short of critical pedagogical interventions which would overhaul what we consider to be the very purpose of our educational system, and the resources to channel these interventions into more meaningful curricular design, can help us change these terms of engagement.”

“Textbooks were created by people who lived in a racist society,” writes Jacob Navarrete. “I’m telling you there are better tools. I’d be happy to help you learn how to use them. There is a big world to build outside the cave and we could use your help. It might hurt at first, just like the light does when you exit a dark cave.”

“Racism cannot be explained or understood properly without incorporating a discussion about privilege,” writes Dominique Dryding. “Until educational institutions take the lived experiences of their student bodies seriously and recognize that racism does not only include name calling and physical exclusion, racism in schools and universities will not end.”

Guest Blogger Salathia Carr writes, “Racism is not something that can be swept under the rug. After so much sweeping, your rug becomes distorted. People have become so desensitized regarding racism and injustices because they truly do not know what it is like. Judgment is very easy to make when you’re not living that way. But, if we force discussions about inequality from the very first history class we take, you cannot avoid it.” For the Silo, C.M. Rubin.

The Millennial Bloggers are Alusine Barrie, Sajia Darwish, James Kernochan, Kamna Kathuria, Jacob Deleon Navarrete, Reetta Heiskanen, Shay Wright, Isadora Baum, Wilson Carter III, Francisco Hernandez, Erin Farley, Dominique Alyssa Dryding, Harry Glass, Harmony Siganporia and Bonnie Chiu.

 

Top Row: C.M. Rubin, Alusine Barrie, Sajia Darwish, James Kernochan

2nd Row: Kamna Kathuria, Jacob Deleon Navarrete, Reetta Heiskanen, Shay Wright

3rd Row: Isadora Baum, Wilson Carter III, Francisco Hernandez, Erin Farley

Bottom Row: Dominique Alyssa Dryding, Harry Glass, Harmony Siganporia, Bonnie Chiu

 

Words A Spoken Word Poem

“Words”. Thoughtful contemporary poetry from Allen Minor.

 

Allen Minor is From Utica, New York and lives in Daytona Beach, Florida

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Website  http://Amazon.com/author/asminor