Tag Archives: etiquette

Politics

How to Engage In Or Avoid A Political Conversation

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So how do you respond when someone brings you into the conversation?  How do you answer when they ask you for your opinion or who you’re going to vote for?

You could always just doodle on a receipt like this one from J. Barker :)
You could always just doodle on a receipt like this one from J. Barker 🙂

Sharon Schweitzer, an international etiquette expert, author and founder of Protocol & Etiquette Worldwide, says you have options.

Has politics become a reality TV show? Tonight's debate is being called the "Lisa Simpson versus Bart Simpson" debate.
Has politics become a reality TV show? 
  1. You don’t want to respond

Keeping your opinion to yourself can be difficult; however, it is possible. Say something like, “In the midst of such a contentious political season, I feel it’s best to keep my opinion to myself. I do appreciate your interest and wish you the best in your political decisions.”

By acknowledging and thanking them for their genuine interest, you are able to get out of sticky political conversations but retain your well-mannered and ever sophisticated demeanor.

  1. If they push again

If they keep pushing for a response, you can play the undecided card and change the subject.

“I’m still evaluating the candidates and the issues and haven’t made up my mind yet.  It will be interesting to see how it plays out.”

To get them off the topic for good, ask them about something meaningful to them that they will want to talk about.  “I hear your son got accepted to Ohio State. Congratulations!”  “Great job on closing that account.  How did you do it?”  “Tell me about your trip to the mountains a few weeks ago. I hear it is beautiful this time of year.”

  1. You want to respond

If you would like to express your beliefs, the best way to do so is to cite research and concrete reasons why your views align a certain way, as this will encourage more of an intellectual conversation than a possible war of opinions.  Just as you want to express your beliefs, be courteous and let the person you are speaking to express his or her beliefs, even if you disagree.

  1. If you disagree

It’s inevitable that disagreements will arise, but when they do, handle them with grace, dignity and respect. Say something like, “That’s an interesting way to look at it and you bring up some valid points; however, I feel that…” Never raise your voice, show anger, abruptly walk away or make it personal.

  1. Either way

Whether you decide to respond or not, be tactful, polite, and remember that educated responses will help you either to cordially engage, or graciously decline whenever these inevitable conversations cross your path. For the Silo, Alex Smith.

Culture

Christmas Holiday Tipping: Who Do I Tip And How Much?

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There’s the mailman, mail woman and the doorman, door woman,  the pet sitter and personal trainer, not to forget the housekeeper, home healthcare worker and many others.  So just who do you tip this holiday season and how much?

Sharon Schweitzer, an international etiquette expert, author, and the founder of Protocol & Etiquette Worldwide, offers this simple tipping checklist of which service providers you need to tip this holiday season and how much:

Business (check corporate policy):

  • Clients: Business gift baskets of chocolate, edible fruit, nuts, cheese, wine, cookies, petite fours; golf balls & non-logo gifts.
  • CEO/Boss: Group gift to their favorite charity or non-profit foundation
  • Assistant: Bonus or gift based on relationship length
  • Colleagues: gift they will like for sports, hobby, or dining, gift card.
  • Office Gift Exchange: don’t go rogue, follow the spending guidelines.
cheap tip

Education & Schools (follow policy):

  • Professor: greeting card, no gift
  • Teacher: Consider a group gift with parents pooled funds
  • Assistant /Aide: $25 – $50 gift certificate
  • Multiple Teachers: small gift, candle, baked goods, gift certificate.
  • Principle: Holiday card & baked goods
  • School Secretary: café gift card, small gift or gift certificate
  • School Nurse: café gift card, small gift or gift certificate

Home or Building Personnel:

  • Live-in help (cook or butler): between a week-month’s pay, plus a gift
  • Housekeeper: if they come once a week: equivalent of a day’s pay, or $50. If they come daily: equivalent of a week’s pay, and possibly a gift
  • Gardener: equivalent of a week’s service
  • Landscaping crew: equivalent of a week’s service, divided among the crew
  • Pool cleaning crew: equivalent of one session, divided among the crew.
  • Garage attendant: between $15 and $40 or give a small gift
  • Garbage/recycling: if city permits, $10-$30 each for extra holiday effort
  • Doorman: between $50 – $100 each, or gift, depending on extra duties
  • Elevator Operator and Handyman: between $20 – $50 each
  • Newspaper delivery: between $10 – $35, or give a small gift

Healthcare providers:

  • Private health care nurse: week’s pay or a gift of similar value
  • Home health employee: follow policy / generous gift basket of holiday treats
  • Nursing home staff: follow policy / gift basket of holiday treats for all

Personal grooming:

  • Hairstylist, manicure, pedicure, specialist: equivalent of a visit
  • Barber: haircut & shave equivalent or give a gift
  • Massage therapist/personal trainer: session equivalent or give a gift

Pet care:

  • Groomer: equivalent of one session or give a gift
  • Walker: week’s pay equivalent or “1-2 visits” per com
  • Sitter: a week’s pay and a paw print note from your pet

Package & Mail Delivery:

The United States Postal Service provides the public with a tipping and gift receiving policy on their website, FedEx and UPS do not. The information provided for FedEx and UPS is from customer service representatives who preferred not to give their names.

United States/Canada Postal Service:

  • Employees may accept baked goods (homemade/store bought) items to share with the branch office. Customers may give edible arrangements, gift cards for merchandise or services valued up to $20 per interaction. Gifts cannot exceed $50 per calendar year.
  • Gifting cash, VISA, MasterCard, or gift cards that may be used as cash are prohibited per USPS Employee Tipping and Gift Receiving Policy and also prohibited for Canada Post employees.

FedEx:

  • Company policies discourage gift cash or gift cards. The driver will politely decline the holiday gratuity. If the customer is insistent, the driver may ultimately accept the gift.

UPS

  • UPS does not have a limit; tipping is left to customer’s discretion.

Avoid giving holiday tips to people on this list; send holiday e-cards instead:

Accountant/CPA

Attorney

Auditor

Banker

Bookkeeper

Dentist

Doctor

Executive Coach

Members, Board of Directors or Trustees

Seamstress/ Tailor

Veterinarian

Culture

5 Ways Conversation Could Get You Punched In The Mouth

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Take it from the queen of verbal mishaps, there may not be a right way to start a conversation but on the wrong day, a poor choice of words could get your tongue snatched out of your mouth. Believe me when I say, you do not want that problem on your hands. So, to minimize your risks, I’ve narrowed down a solid list of WRONG ways to start a conversation, with the hopes that you’ll take heed and have more thoughtful discussions in the New Year.

I’m not condoning violence of any sort but I can tell you with absolute certainty that you are in great danger if you say any of these things to the wrong person. Choose wisely.

She was asking for it-
If somehow in your mangled mind you believe that a woman who dresses provocatively, gets drunk or “chooses” an abusive partner deserves to be assaulted, well you might just deserve to lose a few teeth. The reality is, we could all make better choices from time to time but you don’t get to be the judge of anyone but yourself. Victim blaming is never okay. This type of thinking perpetuates a culture of abuse. You’re better than that…right? Hold abusers accountable for their actions. If you can’t do that, just be quiet.

TV dust and wives

Are you pregnant?-
You know good and well I’m not pregnant. This age old attempt to body shame women has gotten many people hurt, from the ancient times of Jesus of Nazareth to the current age of the Kardashians. Taking cheap shots at a woman’s body is simply a bad idea. If you’re genuinely curious to know if a woman is pregnant, you’ll just have to wait until she announces it. If the news never comes, well there’s your answer. If you’re concerned that she could possibly be gaining too much weight, start an exercise group and invite all of your friends to participate.

Pregnant or fat

The earth is flat-
You would think a person would only say this in a conversation for shock value or to be provocative but it turns out this is actually a thing. There are real people out here who refuse to believe the earth is round and this is problematic. This conversation would likely start off with laughs and jeers but quickly turn ugly when the flat-earther suggests you’re stupid for allowing yourself to be brainwashed by live footage from outer space, actual satellite images and scientific research. It’s only a matter of time before this debate transforms into a full on brawl and somebody ends up in the ER.

flat earth
image: theverge.com

If you can say “nigger/nigga,” why can’t I?-
Why are we still having this discussion? I mean, really. We’ve only been talking about this for the last 60 years. You need to be more concerned about your twisted obsession with wanting to say that word. What is it in you that just cannot accept that there is a word born out of hatred that you should not use? Even more so, why does it bother you that a marginalized group of people have taken the power from an otherwise derogatory word and transformed it into a term of endearment. If you cannot understand that this does not involve you, you have bigger problems than using the “N word.” You’ve been warned.

Wiggers
What are you?-
What do you mean, ‘what am I?’ What are you? I’m a human being who is minding my own business and not walking around challenging other people on their ethnicity. Biracial and multiethnic people do not owe it to you to satisfy your curiosity about the realities that exist outside of Mayberry. I’m sorry if your limited understanding of the world leaves you confused and intrigued. Find a travel agent and book yourself a trip to another zip code. And while we’re on the topic , ‘no, you cannot touch my hair.’

Some accidents in life are preventable. Hopefully, this guide will help you avoid conversation calamities in the New Year.

#AskMe Tees spark thoughtful and meaningful conversations about important and fun topics but we cannot keep up with the shenanigans and tomfoolery of habitual line crossers. Simply put, there isn’t a t-shirt for every conversation. So, we created this. For the Silo, Ayanna Smith. 

AskMe Tshirt

Ayanna Smith is the founder of #AskMe Tees, the award-winning Escape Lounge breakout games in Washington, D.C., and Ridlz. She is brutally honest, sharp-tongued, quick-witted and hard to embarrass, yet philanthropic, service-oriented and deeply compassionate. Between her budding business ventures and family, she has a lot to talk about!

Culture

A Newbie Guide To Proper Ordering And Eating Steak

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The best steakhouse and seafood restaurant in town is not like other dining establishments. There are some simple guidelines to keep in mind when you’re dining in one:

  • The first rule is that if you’re going for a steak,it’s best to go to one of the best steakhouses in town. Cheaper places offer tasteless food, and you may just end up with MSG-laden steak that’s bad for your health and your taste buds.
  • If you only eat steak on special occasions, you may as well splurge on the best meat you can afford. These cuts include the rib eye, which is tender because of the high fat content. The filet is also flavorful and tender. You should also try the tender short loin, also known as the New York cut.

The special “Cowboy Rib Steak” from Baton Rouge Steakhouse Canada.

  • Of course, the taste of the steak also depends on where the meat comes from. American steak is tastier than European steak, while Japanese steak is extremely fatty. You may want to refrain from ordering a rib eye if you are ordering a Japanese steak.
  • It’s best if you order your steak rare to medium rare. This isn’t about snobbishness. It’s about the fact that when you cook steak to a degree more than medium the steak can become tough and very chewy. It’s not as enjoyable to eat.

  • When you cut meat and you’re right-handed, you hold the fork with your left hand while the knife is on the right hand. Hold the knife and the fork with the index fingers down the back of the utensils. You shouldn’t hold them like they’re pencils or by clenching your fists around them. You can then use the fork to hold the meat while you make your cut with the knife.

  • After cutting the meat, you have 2 options. One is the American style of transferring the fork to your right hand. You first have to put the knife on the plate without it touching the tablecloth. Then you use the fork in your right hand to spear the meat and place it in your mouth.
  • You can also use the Continental style of just using the fork in your left hand to spear the meat and take a bite. It’s quick and efficient.
  • You should cut each piece of meat one at a time. You shouldn’t cut more than once before you take a bite, as it’ll leave a mess on your plate. It may also tempt you to take more than 1 piece of meat into your mouth and that can be awkward when you’re having a conversation around the table.
  • For the best wine drink some good red wine. California wines are very good with steak.

  • Side dishes depend on your particular tastes. Sautéed spinach is excellent, while for some the best side dish is French fries. You may also want to try creamed spinach with fried egg at the top.
  • You should try to eat your steak with no sauces so that you can really savor the true taste of your steak. You can then add a bit of sea salt to flavor. For sauces, you candip your French fries into your favorite sauce to accompany the taste of the steak.

Of course, the true rule of eating steak is to enjoy yourself while you mind your manners. Etiquette isn’t really about blind obedience to the rules. It’s all about making sure that your dining companions (and everyone around you) enjoy the steak as much as you do!

Featured image- Angus Beef New York Strip Steak

Politics

Do’s And Don’ts Of Political Conversations

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We live in one of the most politically heated times in history. Expressing your point of view is a personal decision and can be tricky.  Although conversations may start out benign, they can quickly become a toxic dialogue.

Sharon Schweitzer, an international etiquette expert, author, and the founder of Access to Culture, says there are several “do’s and dont’s” to make sure polite political discourse doesn’t turn into hostile debates.

DO   

Show respect for differing opinions

It can be challenging to listen to those with different opinions. It’s important to show respect and take time to listen, giving the other person the opportunity to share their viewpoints. The Platinum rule encourages treating others as they wish to be treated. Stay calm, collected and respectful.

Agree to disagree

If their opinions are different from your views, you can agree to disagree. Try saying something along the lines of, “I respect your perspective, but I think we may need to agree to disagree” or “That’s a different way of thinking about the issue, but I’m comfortable if you and I can agree to disagree.”

Ask questions

If someone asks you a question about your political beliefs, you can reciprocate by asking them about their own beliefs. Let the other person do the talking while you listen. Try to ask open-ended questions such as, “What are your thoughts on the current political atmosphere?” or “How do you feel about the media’s portrayal of …?”

Change the subject

  • If someone continues to ask your opinion, change the topic by saying: “It’s impossible to keep track of the different versions of the news. How is your family doing by the way?” “With the divisive political atmosphere, I’m not comfortable sharing my personal opinions, but thank you for your interest.” “I can’t answer that question, but what I can discuss is… ”

DON’T

Get angry, cross or upset

It can be difficult to keep your temper, but don’t get angry or upset if you don’t agree with someone’s viewpoints. Expressing sarcasm, bitterness or passive aggressiveness won’t change any minds. It will only damage your reputation.

Talk over them

The worst thing you could do is interrupt conversation and start talking about your own opinion. Be respectful of other opinions and views. Listen attentively, especially when you don’t agree with that viewpoint. It gets easier the more you practice.

Overshare

Politics is a difficult conversation, particularly with family members and close friends. If you are speaking to someone you’ve just met, refrain from oversharing. In this case, less is more. Avoid saying something you will later regret.

Make assumptions

We make mental notes when we first meet someone new. We make a first impression based on hair, shoes, watch, clothing, mannerisms, etc. However, political views are hidden unless they are shared verbally or by wearing a revealing detail.  It’s important to approach people with an open mind to avoid awkward and potentially toxic conversations.

For the Silo, Scott Jones.

Featured image- http://ashleylewis-oldmeetsnew.blogspot.ca/

Culture

International Etiquette Expert, Sharon Schweitzer Shares Father’s Day Ideas

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Without him, you would not have known how to change a flat tire, nor the difference between a socket wrench and a ratchet wrench. His insights on sports led you to your favorite team. He’s always been there with a helping hand and now with the approach of Father’s Day on Sunday, June 19th, take the time to give back to him.  What’s the best way to do that? Here’s the “etiquette skinny!”

"The best Evil Son" ;)

Author Sharon Schweitzer
Author Sharon Schweitzer

Sharon Schweitzer, an international etiquette expert, author and founder of Protocol & Etiquette Worldwide, says stay ahead of the curve, mail those cards and plan now. Spoil the amazing man that has guided you through your life.

Sharon’s tips:

  • Plan a Memory: Father’s Day is a time to set aside everything else and devote the day to your dear dad. If you are not a golfer but your dad is, take some time to share his favorite pastime. Go on a hike, a brewery tour, concert, camping trip or lunch at his favorite restaurant. Celebrate everything your dad has taught you, and also create something new and memorable with him on this very special day.
  • Share the Day: Sometimes we need to share Father’s Day with Dad and also brothers, uncles, godfathers, grandfathers, stepfathers and others.  Host a celebration for your loved ones for maximum time with your favorite people. Mother’s Day is famous for brunch. On Father’s day host a BBQ, cookout or inclusive celebration.
  • Remember Father Figures: For some, Father’s Day is difficult as fathers have passed or may have been absent. Consider using this time as an opportunity to show appreciation for the male mentors in your life. A father figure is more than biological, and can be a role model, leader or inspirational man who helped shape your world.
  • Share Your Time & Express Gratitude: A national survey of the average North American’s major life regrets highlighted that one of the biggest regrets is not spending more time with parents. Use this day to express how much your father has meant to you over the years. Communicate your gratitude, care and love during this time with him.

    Dr Evil and Scotty Evil.
    Dr Evil and Scotty Evil.
  • Gift-Giving: Gifts for dads can range greatly depending on your father’s interests. Consider the three P’s to guide your gift giving: Practical, Personalized, and Perfect.
  • Practical Gifts: Is he practical? Go for the gift that won’t get tossed in a closet or re-gifted. Talk to your dad about his needs or communicate with family members. Contribute toward a group gift he will truly love, for example: Business and casual clothing, restaurant gift certificates to his favorite place and hobby accessories (paints and art supplies, how-to books).
  • Personalized Gifts: Go the extra mile to highlight his name, family crest or favorite team.  For example: An engraved Watch, personalized beer growler, glassware or flask and sports team wine stoppers.
  • Perfect Gifts: Find the gift that quintessentially represents your dad or his future goals. Where does he want to go? What’s on his list? A perfect gift for your father: New sports equipment like a golf club, fishing rod, or tennis racket; a fly-fishing or deep-sea trip he wants; or concert tickets to his favorite band.

As part of your Father’s Day, please consider these tips from Sharon. For the Silo, Bruce Serbin.

 

 

 

Culture

Small Talk Vineyards on how to Master the art of “Small Talk”

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Do you know this guy?
Do you know this guy?

Anyone who’s been caught at a wedding reception or a cocktail party discussing recent changes in the weather knows that these situations can quickly go from bad to worse and that making small talk isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Conversations with strangers can sometimes be stilted and uncomfortable, often resulting in a mad dash for the door as soon as is socially acceptable, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

“Small talk is an art,” says Small Talk Vineyards Owner, Hank Hunse. “It isn’t a skill that people are born with, but it can be mastered. Small talk is the starting point of all relationships and whether you are at a friend’s wine tasting party or a networking event it is an important starting point for everyone.”

Small Talk Vineyards, located in Niagara-on-the-Lake, knows all about the art of good conversation and the winery’s staff have become experts at small talk.

“A big part of our business is engaging our visitors in conversation,” said Hunse. “With hundreds of people visiting the winery each season, we have had to learn how to keep our guests engaged in conversation while ensuring they feel comfortable.”

Smooth!
Smooth!

To help us conquer our jitters of awkward meetings and functions, Small Talk Vineyards has compiled a list of five tips to mastering the art of small talk:

Remember Names

Introductions tend pass in a blur. Names are forgotten just as quickly as the hors d’oeuvres disappear, but make an effort to slow down and stay present. Repeat the person’s name in your head a few times and if you forget a name, discreetly ask a third party for help. Remembering someone’s name goes a long way and they are more likely to approach you at future gatherings.

Establish Eye Contact

This may sound like a no-brainer, but in uncomfortable situations people tend to avoid eye contact. Casual eye contact and a warm, friendly smile demonstrate your interest and desire to communicate. Eye contact for five to ten seconds indicates curiosity and is generally considered friendly. Make an effort to keep your body language open and relaxed – you’ll send out confident and friendly signals that will draw people to you

Discuss the Setting

Finding a topic of discussion after introductions is the hardest part of small talk. By commenting on the location of the event — how long the line is for drinks or floral arrangements — you are creating common ground. For example, if we sense that someone is uncomfortable during a wine tasting, we often comment on the bright paint colours that decorate the winery to find common ground.

Have Fun!

It’s important to remember that you aren’t alone. There are others in the room feeling just as uncomfortable as you, so stop hiding behind your glass of wine and enjoy yourself! Allow yourself to be curious and ask questions, you never know who you might meet.

Make a Clean Escape

When your conversation starts to draw to a close, take the opportunity to make a natural exit. Using phrases such as “I need to grab another drink” or “I need to say hello to a friend who just arrived” allows you to make a clean exit. Make sure to end the conversation with something like: “I’ve enjoyed talking to you, and I hope to talk to you again.” This keeps the lines of communication open for another meeting.

To learn more about Small Talk Vineyards please visit www.smalltalkvineyards.com. Follow Small Talk on Twitter @SmallTalkWines and like it on Facebook at www.facebook.com/smalltalkwinery

The Apple Place Norfolk Fruit Growers Association

About Small Talk Vineyards:

Small Talk Vineyards is an innovative, boutique, small-production VQA winery located in Niagara-on-the-Lake. The estate vineyard is family run and has been in operation since 1955. Small Talk’s  labels are about attending dinner parties and engaging in conversation, the front label in the “Speech Bubble” is what we say out loud during these gatherings and the back label, the “thought bubble” expresses what we’re thinking. Small Talk Vineyards features bold, fresh VQA wines that expose the dramatic gap between what you say … and what you really think!