courage | The Silo

He had no idea his life would change so significantly……For 31 years, Dennis and Hope Freed had a fulfilling marriage. They raised a family, built a home, and shared their dreams with one another and their two sons.

Then Hope got cancer, and their lives changed drastically overnight. She fought a long brave battle, and went through over 250 chemotherapy treatments, but on April 7, 2012, on an evening that heralded Passover in the United States and Easter in Israel, she died.

Dennis Freed’s beloved wife and best-trusted friend had gone, leaving him alone to figure out a future he’d never imagined. For the first year, he sorted through what society expected of a long-term caregiver and widower. Eventually, Dennis emerged from mourning, his heart ready for life’s next chapter. Is there love after marriage?

In Love, Loss and Awakening, Dennis Freed tells the story of how he began to go out with women again. He shares the reality of dating at age 50-plus—how he endured the awkward and hilarious encounters and embarrassments a man experiences when he hasn’t been on a date with a new woman for decades. Dennis’s book chronicles how one finds love after the death of a spouse. He describes his courageous and uplifting journey through sorrow, his search for new love, and his rediscovery of love and happiness.

Drawing upon the wisdom and personal experiences he acquired dating middle-aged women in all the wrong places, Freed takes the mystery out of the many lessons he learned. Dennis found out that as a widow or widower you can find love again, but it’s a difficult road. Love isn’t unique to the person you loved first. That love never fades, but your heart has room for more. You can get love back in your life. Your new love becomes a special love in its own right.

Here are just a few of the valuable insights:

Hole Heart/ Whole Heart

When you lose your best, most trusted friend, the hardships just begin. You are now alone. Your whole heart collapses to half its size. It transforms into a Hole Heart. The process of resurrecting it to wholeness is like Lego construction, built one little brick at a time. At first, bricks of varying shapes and sizes are sorted through and meticulously placed. Slowly they assume the weight and shape of your newly imagined Whole Heart.

Learn How to Be Physical, Affectionate, and Intimate

You spent thirty-plus years kissing no one but your spouse. If you spend your time worrying about the “what if” instead of enjoying the right now, it will rob you of your joy today. Sometimes you just have to learn something new, like all the kissing pleasures one never experienced. It’s not such a bad idea. Understand that it takes time and practice, and that each person you meet is unique. You’ll make hurtful intimacy mistakes just like a teenager. You’ll make stupid and inconsiderate mistakes. It’s a fact. Practice and learn so that when the right person comes along, you’ll be ready.

A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall

You are going to date a lot of people. It is okay to be sad, mad, depressed, empty, lost after a date that isn’t perfect. Embrace the journey! Feel! Live it! Then get on to the next one so your failures don’t consume you. Have fun searching. Let your dating escapades become the target of jokes for your friends. Entertain them with style!

Love, Loss and Awakening

Dennis P. Freed

List $ 12.95US

88 pages, trade softcover, also available in ebook version

ISBN 978-0-9971916-1-5

Tolawaken Press

The death of a loved one is devastating, and can leave us questioning our new path. Will I ever want to find love again, and if so, how do I find it? What’s appropriate behavior for a widowed fifty-four-year-old? Should I explore dating sites? Meet women in bars? Rely on introductions from friends? The questions far outnumber the answers. In Love, Loss and Awakening, Dennis Freed shares his experiences and his journey to new love and the rediscovery of happiness.

For more information, visit www.LoveLossandAwakening.com

About the Author

Dennis P. Freed is a native of Brooklyn, New York, and, from age three, grew up in Oceanside, Long Island, where he later raised his family. He earned a BS in Civil Engineering at the University of Rhode Island. After a stint as a structural engineer, he entered the Construction Management and Development profession in New York City, where he has led teams to construct and develop more than sixty-five buildings. Also an associate professor at Pratt University in New York, he teaches Construction Management to architecture students.

What People Are Saying

“Love, Loss, and Awakening is an engaging story of how one man bounces back after losing the love of his life. It is an ode to the power of being in relationship, especially when faced with incredibly difficult and heartbreaking loss. And it is with much humor that Dennis Freed takes the reader on a journey to find what we are all looking for to be joyous and fulfilled in relationship.”

—Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., Creators of Imago Therapy and authors of Getting the Love You Want

“This is a story of digging deep after loss, finding that being with another is worth the risk, and staying open to lessons both human and Divine. At times an excruciating memoir of living with cancer, at others, a combination of ‘How To’ and, more useful, ‘How NOT To’ of middle-aged dating. Those who have loved deeply will be reminded of what they have or have lost; for others, it’s the promise of how good a relationship can be. The book has a happy ending, yet acknowledges that seeking love must always include a willingness to lose again.”

—Cynthia Wall, LCSW, author of The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships

“Get ready to cry, laugh, cringe, and howl with wonder and delight as you go through Dennis Freed’s amazing experiences after the loss of his wife. He offers heartfelt real-life insights on how to cope with the despair and overcome the pain so you can face the world and find love and happiness anew.”

—Paul J. Krupin, author of Words People Love to Hear Simple Verbal Recipes for Making the People Around You Feel Good

About one hundred years ago, millions were involved in war – a war later to be known as the War to End All Wars. It was a global conflict of brutality, propaganda and technological advance — a war of survival and humanity and courage.

Trench warfare forced soldiers to adapt to new technology and new techniques in order to survive – something my grandsons and I learned on a recent visit to the Canadian War Museum.

The helmet, the respirator and the Lee Enfield rifle were all introduced in 1916. The helmet was in response to shrapnel artillery shells. The respirator provided some defense against chlorine and phosgene gas. The Lee-Enfield bolt-action, magazine-fed, repeating rifle replaced the unsuitable and much hated Ross Rifle.

One hundred years ago, thousands of miles of trenches crisscrossed the western front. Between the opposing trench systems lay No Man’s Land — a battered killing zone across which soldiers had to move in order to attack.

Howitzers were used to pound trenches and targets at the enemy’s rear. The eight-inch Howitzer could fire an enormous high-explosive, 200-pound shell up to seven miles. The trajectory of fire was very high, with the shell plunging downward to deliver a devastating explosion.

Nieuport 17 image courtesy of airpowerworld.info

Shrapnel shells were designed to burst in the air, producing a cone–shaped whirl of deadly metal. Soldiers suffered horrific wounds as pieces of shrapnel ricocheted inside the body, causing further internal damage and gaping exit wounds.

The Creeping Barrage was a key to victory on the Western front. This moving wall of artillery fire forced the enemy to remain under cover, unable to fire on the attacking infantry as they moved across No Man’s Land.

Control of the air was essential for victory on the ground. Canadians played a key role in the British air services as fighter and reconnaissance pilots, aerial observers, mechanics and flight instructors. The Nieuport 17, introduced in 1916, featured a powerful engine and a synchronized Vickers machine gun. It became one of the best allied fighter planes of the war.

Improvements in combat surgery and new techniques like blood transfusions meant almost 90 per cent of all wounded soldiers who received medical treatment survived.

Doctors learned to treat the terrible wounds of modern warfare, and served in the front lines or within range of enemy artillery. Causalities were so heavy that more than half of all Canadian physicians served overseas to meet the demand.

Canadian nurses were trained medical professionals, but nothing could have prepared them for the horror of battlefield wounds — more than 3,000 served in the Canadian Army medical corps. Their wartime service assisted women to receive greater recognition within the medical profession.

To pay for the enormous cost to equip our personnel overseas, the federal government imposed a business profits tax in 1916, and an income tax for individuals in 1917. Proposed as a temporary emergency measure, the income tax became permanent.

And, almost every city and town across Ontario and the country launched campaigns to raise money. Women worked without pay to provide countless supplies and gifts, including warm clothing, bandages and food.

To quote a popular phrase of the time, everyone was encouraged to, “Do your bit,” in support of soldiers and winning the war.

A century has passed, and we remember the tremendous impact of the War to End All Wars. For the Silo, Haldimand-Norfolk MPP Toby Barrett.

The Silo

Tag Archives: courage

What We Learn From The Death Of A Spouse And How To Find Love Again

World War One Trenches Crisscrossed Western Front Over One Hundred Years Ago

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