Note this review contains adult language and suggested themes.

AIR (2023): In 1984, shoe company Nike was barely keeping its head above water (they were third behind Converse and Adidas), when their talent scout Sonny Vaccaro got a wild hair up his ass about this up-and-coming b-ball phenom named Michael Jordan. He believed that he would be the key to Nike surviving *and* beating the competition. Hold on to your fuckin’ hats when I spoil this by telling you, yes, Jordan signed with Nike and the resulting shoe line known as “Air Jordan” went on to gross billions for everyone involved.

As to why I would be interested in watching some rich mofos get richer over some fuckin’ shoes that are most famous to me as being the kind of shoes people would shoot each other over, well, I wasn’t, not really anyway.

Sure, it’s directed by Ben Affleck, who I think is actually a good director (I still haven’t seen LIVE BY NIGHT, though), and it stars Matt Damon and a bunch of other people I didn’t know were in this. But still, why would I care to watch a movie about how a shoe that people would pay money hand-over-fist while neglecting their rent or child support payments — while goofing on the cheaper footwear worn by those who own a house and take care of their kids — came to be?

I wouldn’t.

But I had a very nice steak dinner that I washed down with an entire bottle of Cabernet (I buy my sneakers at Big 5), and I certainly couldn’t drive in my condition. So I took a Lyft to a nearby movie theater where I sure as fuck wasn’t going to watch the fuckin’ plumber cartoon, so AIR it was.

It’s really good!

I think Tom Cruise really did something to Hollywood with his Xenu magic; from TOP GUN: MAVERICK onwards, I’ve been surprised by the increased frequency of old-school popcorn good times that have been hitting the big screen, like DUNGEONS & DRAGONS: HONOR AMONG THIEVES. This is the latest; a JERRY MAGUIRE for those who ain’t got time for the lovey-dovey bullshit or that weirdo kid with the head-weight obsession.

You will have to get any potential chips off your shoulder about the worshipping of athletes, as well as let go of any issues with the capitalist system of these great United States, if you intend to find any enjoyment from this. Because I don’t know what fantasy version of this film you are hoping for that would shit on both those things as some kind of cynical treatise, but this ain’t it.

Instead you have an audience-pleaser starring Matt Damon as Vaccaro; I’m looking at him and thinking “Hey, I might be OK because Jason Bourne and I are both in the same shape” and then everybody else in the movie proceeds to call him fat. He’s obsessed with signing Jordan, and tries to convince Nike co-founder Phil Knight (Affleck) to pony up all the endorsement budget on him only, and it’s all very entertaining and even funny at times, for what amounts to people talking in offices of various sizes.

I was surprised by some of the actors who popped up in this, but you won’t be, because either you saw the trailer or because you’re about to read the following: Viola Davis, Jason Bateman, Marlon Wayans, Jay Mohr, Chris Tucker (who seems to have a good thing going for him by only showing up every ten years or so to play a supporting role in critically acclaimed films), and Chris Messina, who by virtue of having co-starred with The Adorable Amy Adams *twice*, makes him A-OK with me.

The movie worships Michael Jordan, which makes sense considering the context.

Here’s a man who is arguably the greatest basketball player of all time, who took a struggling shoe company with him to the stratosphere, grossing billions upon billions. Shit, why *wouldn’t* this film suck him off and portray him as some kind of religious entity, even going as far as to not show his face, as if he were the Prophet Muhammad?

I’m fine with all that. What I’m not fine with is that at no point did I get to hear him say “Fuck them kids”, and that’s how a movie *doesn’t* get five stars on Letterboxd. For the Silo, E.F. Contentment.

Have you seen this movie? Are you planning on watching it? Leave us your comments below.